


A lil' too much

by orphan_account



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: A lil' self harm, Calming tecniques, F/F, Guilt, Panic atacks, Rewrite, self blame, self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 14:43:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19747834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The first time it happened, Amy's parents wrote it off as stress, just as Amy wrote the 745th time off as stress.The 746th time, however, was different. This time, it was all her own fault





	A lil' too much

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Diamy (Amy x Rosa) drabbles](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17798975) by [B99fangirlnextdoor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/B99fangirlnextdoor/pseuds/B99fangirlnextdoor), [themetgayla](https://archiveofourown.org/users/themetgayla/pseuds/themetgayla). 



> So I'm doing a thing where I do rewrites of things I've done in the past, namely off my drabbles, as A) it helps me improve and compare, and b) helps me out with writers' block

Rosa was sat at her desk, one leg curled under her body as she mindlessly typed through her latest report when Holt stuck his head around his office doorway. “Santiago, a word please,” Jake smirked, his head popping over the top of his monitor like an intrigued meerkat, ready to make some sort of smug comment at his desk buddy, only to realise she wasn’t there. “Uh… I think she’s gone AWOL, cap’n.” Rosas’ brow furrowed slightly - it wasn’t like Amy to wonder off. “In that case, Diaz, cou-” Rosa shook herself out of her haze, logging off and pushing her chair back so she could stand. “Yep.” 

“Is she alright?” Charles asked as Jake he stared after Rosa, who was making her way into the captains’ office, her step a little quicker than it normally was. Jakes’ face stilled for a moment in thought before grinning and turning back to trying throw scrunched up tissues (stolen from Amys’ desk - naturally) into the bin by the fire escape, “Yep, it’s probably women problems or something. Oooof! That was nearly in!” Charles nodded, “I get that. It’s Genevieves’ leak week too, and-” Jake cut him off with a loud groan, scrunching up his face “Boyle! I don’t want to know about your experiences with your wifes’ ‘leak week’ - and that goes for you too Hitchcock.” Jake added, seeing his colleague wonder over to him out of the corner of his eye.

*

“ Yes, the perp got away, yes, Amy fucked up, but it can happen to anyone. Nobody got hurt, I’ve handed over to the nightshift and every cop in the state is looking for him. We done here?” Rosa asked, in a way that wasn’t really asking at all. The captain blinked, thinking for a moment before gesturing for Rosa to sit down. “Do you know where Santiago is?” His voice was gentler than it usually was as if he knew exactly where she was but didn’t want to admit it. “Yes.” 

*

“Amy!” Rosa knocked on the door for the 34th time, fighting to keep her voice calm and level as no response came. “Amy I need you to open the door.” Still nothing. Sighing, Rosa crouched down so she was eye level with the bathroom lock, reached into her pockets and pulled out her mini case of lockpicking tools. 

Grimacing, Rosa pushed the door open, her eyes falling on the petite young woman sat on the toilet floor, staring into space, smudged mascara creating dark bags under her eyes. “Amy?” Rosa whispered, kneeling down on the floor next to her and sweeping a long, damp strand of hair out of her face. 

The two sat there for a while, an occasional tear rolling down Amys’ cheek as she continued staring, replaying what happened over and over in her mind like an endless reel of film. “I let him go.” She croaked, tears suddenly beginning to rapidly fall, her hands scrunching into tight fists until blood dripped from her palms. “It happens to everyone.” Rosa whispered, her own fingers working at Amys’ in a bid to protect her poor palms as Amy shook her head “Not to me. I’m meant to be a police officer, to serve and protect, that’s my job and I failed.” 

“Amy, look at me.” Amy ignored Rosa, her sights still firmly fixed on the wall, a rapid stream of words tumbling out of her mouth as her breathing picked up. “Amy.” Rosa crawled in front of her, picking up one of Amys’ bleeding hands and pressing it to her chest. “Feel that? That’s your heart. Its going a little quick, isn’t it?” Amy blinked a few times, looking into Rosas’ eyes as her heart fluttered rapidly under her hand. “That’s it. Keep looking at me. This is just a panic attack, okay? It’s going to pass.” Taking a deep breath in, Rosa exhaled steadily, prompting Amy to do the same. “There you go. In...and out…” Slowly, the angst was leaving Amys’ body, like an evil spirit disappearing into the ether. Her body was sinking against the cool tiled behind her, exhausted after its efforts as the final few deep breaths slowly evening out. "Better?" Rosa asked, bum-shuffling back to Amys’ side. Amy nodded, her head coming to a rest on Rosas' shoulder, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips “Better.”


End file.
